Dear myself, 

Happy birthday! Nggak nyangka banget, now we are approaching to 30s. Usia makin bertambah namun hidup rasanya masih begini-begini saja. I really don't know what to say cause I don't really celebrate birthday and make a wish but let us be clear about what we feel. Let's express our raw emotions into words.  Let's perpetuate our day! 

taken by: the one and only talented photographer, Kak Noi (instagram username: @pinokiopicture)

How did you feel today?

To be honest, just so-so. Life went pretty normal today. I woke up this morning and saw message from my mom wishing me a birthday, then followed by my sisters. I felt (a lilbit) loved. Well, if you do know me, I'm a kinda type of person who doesn't celebrate birthday and almost never expose my birthday. I set my birthday unseen so people who are on social media won't get notification regarding my birthday. Also, I almost never announce my birthday, both in verbal (conversation) or even any post in social media. I'm quite private about this. It's like I intentionally remove my birthday from my life... that's kinda extreme. I know. There are few reasons behind this but I guess I don't have to tell you about this unless you ask, right? Well... to much intro. The conclusion is: so so. 

But well, I think I will still got birthday greeting-messages from few friends, I believe. 

At the same time, I felt so angry, (beyond) upset, and sad. The people in Sumatera are currently so vulnerable due to the massive flood and landslide. I won't give you long theory to defense my opinion but one thing for sure: I blame the government for everything that happened. It's not only about the heavy rainfall and cyclone BUT it's also related to the illegal logging, the land conversion of rainforest into oil palm plantations, and also mining. 

I really hope that all of the victims will be quickly rescued and the access will be restored soon, as soon as possible. Just by imagining life without home, food, access to internet (internet and electricity went off), money (ATM machines disrupted), and others basic necessity is really heartbreaking. You might think that I'm too much but hey! If you do know me well, you know what I mean. 

Let's pray and donate for our brothers and sisters there cause our government is kinda useless! (rage - angry voices). 

What did you do? Did you have plan for your birthday? 

Yes. I quietly celebrated my birthday with my own self. The birthday gift from me to myself was started yesterday. Yesterday, I went for a walk in Taman Hutan Raya Bandung (Tahura) to take a pause, get fresh air, and re-connected my soul with the nature. I also stopped by in a cafe that I wish to revisit: Dakar (Dago Pakar). Oh Lord, I can't deny that I really miss the mint tea! 

And right now, I'm sitting in a cafe in Bandung: Makmur Jaya Coffee Roaster. 'Makmur Jaya'. Does it sound like a 'toko besi'? Hahaha I think so. I just realized it when I read the review on Google Maps. And you know their wifi password? Sssssttt it's a top secret! It's bukantokobesi. Hahahahaha! Oh well, back to the main topic: the birthday. I plan to visit Eat Pho after this. I wanna eat Pho! I have been craving for this food for ages! If my gastric can tolerate, I would love to try Vietnamese Rolls! Ohhh I can't wait to try this! It's just nearby. I can just walk from this cafe :) 

And after that? Literally no plan! Just come back to Jakarta tonight, I guess! Ah yeah, I plan to buy few snacks for the boys (kids) who often play football near my place. 

Ah... I think listen to Taylor and Lana can be another additional series of celebration!

What did (are) you contemplate(ing) about today?

Hmmm... well. I don't know how to start. I don't literally think about it in a structured way but I think I will, later—In my journal. Overall, I'm feeling grateful that I have the resource to celebrate my birthday and do the things that I wanna do for this tiny celebration. Second, I have this kinda-mixed feeling that ternyata aku masih hidup. Turned out I am still able to walk and breath and (a bit) sane until the day of today. Dan ternyata... in the middle of this uncertainty, I am still able to feel calm, secured, and unworried. The best part is: I don't really worry about my next year plan. I used to feel anxiety towards the uncertainty, the future, the plans and its progress—the life itself. But now... I don't really think about that too much. I don't know whether this is a good sign or the reverse but I hope this is the first one. 

I really want to set myself free from what other people think. I just want to feel whole. I want to appreciate the small things and keep getting excited about the little matters. I want to appreciate and love the people who sincerely love me. I want to give back to the people who have already given me so much. I want to give them more, if I can. I just… want to be a good, better person—someone whose eagerness to learn never fades, someone who will always uphold integrity and honesty, and hold on to the principles she believes in until the end. I just… I just want to live life to the fullest.

That's all. I don't think I have anything else to say. So, hey, Wulan! Let's celebrate our birth day today! Today belongs to us!

Salam, 

A girl who owns today, 

Wulan