A few days ago, I had finished reading a book. It is a fictional book, novel exactly, the title is Midnight Library by Matt Haig. To be honest, this is the first novel I read after a long time, not a novel or fictional book. Well... at first, I (seems) didn't enjoy it but after a few pages, I started to enjoy the flow and even I think that it might be an interesting book. Well... so, how could I end up reading this book? It's because deemed, my favorite youtuber. Yes, she is a youtube content creator and I started watching her channel a half year ago (?). Maybe. Hahaha since then, I did marathons to watch her videos sometimes. I almost watch her channel videos. Let make it short, she started to read a book and she read Midnight Library too. I found out that her subscribers also followed her to read that book and I thought that... Okay, maybe I should make a try. 

Then here I am. I finished that book in three or four days (?) while also trying to have done my research article. There are some things that I, personally, find interesting. Well... this book is so light yet philosophical. If you enjoy philosophical things but are not that ready to read a 'pure & heavy' philosophical thing, this book may be suitable for you. 

The main character of this book is Nora Seed, a woman in her thirties-something. She was working in String Theory, a music-instrumental store before being fired by the owner. Her parent had already died and her relationship with his brother wasn't that good. She lives herself in her flat and in that place, she usually teaches piano to a lilboy. One day, everything was gone wrong. An old man said he didn't need her help anymore, her cat died, a lilboy who's usually has a piano lesson decided to stop having a lesson, and her best friend didn't reply to his message. After all, she loosed her job. She felt that she didn't mean to be in this world and she brought everyone down. Those things bothered her so much. Simply, because she also had depression. That night, at midnight exactly, she decided to commit suicide. She took an overdose. 

Did she die? Not yet. She was in the condition between life and death. She was like in a library with infinite books. Those books contain life stories that may possibly happen in Nora's life. Those infinite numbers of books are the symbol that actually she has infinite choices, probabilities, and path options to create her own life story. Every different actions will lead to different outputs no matter small or big. Like a tree whose so many branches. Choosing one branch will lead to other outcomes. Those branches will produce a few branches that someday you have to choose. again. And those will repeat over until death comes to us.  

In that library, she was given opportunities to try her 'other option' of life stories different from her current life which was so pathetic. All she had to do is just said exactly what she wanted to be and a life story-book will be provided by the librarian. She just had to read the first page and she will swim into 'that world'. She tried to undo her biggest regret, for didn't marry her fiance, Dan, and live his dream to own a pub in the countryside. It didn't go well, Dan had sex with another woman. Then she was disappointed. Each disappointment will lead her into the library again and she could choose another option again. Then, she tried to undo her regret of not following her father's dream to be an Olympic swimmer. She did but she was sad as hell cause she found that her mother died and her father got married to another woman. Tried to a live where she went together with her best friend in Australia, but she was again disappointed because her best friend ended up dying during a car crash. Then tried another chance to be a glaciologist, then she felt that life was suck and haunted by death. She tried life to become a pianist in a band, then she was disappointed that her brother died first. 

She tried as many as she could until she realized what the librarian had said, "Never underestimate the importance of the small things." Then he remembered the day when a surgeon, named Ash, came to his store and asked her out to get a coffee. That day, she said no because she was with Dan. And she would like to try her life if he said yes to Ash and had a coffee. Surprisingly... she found out that she married to Ash and had a daughter. Their house looks comfy in Cambridge, she had a job to teach in Cambridge university and decided to leaf a job and started to write a book, and Ash, still a surgeon with a role as a good father as well who had the willingness to share housework and keeping the daughter. That life seemed so perfect. That could be her best life!

The Midnight Library by Matt Haig

But, choosing life wasn't as simple as that. When she tried to visit the school librarian way back in her school, she found out that she died. When she visited the old man who she used to help in her rotten life, he ended up being in the elderly care which is: she knew that he hated a lot. Last, he met a boy who was arrested by police, which she knew that boy well: in her rotten life, the boy was the one that he taught a piano once a week. She remembered that in her rotten life when she was working in String Theory, a customer said that she had a boy who often makes trouble and he said that she wanted him to have a piano lesson but she simply couldn't afford the fee. At that time, Nora seed said that she was ready to help no matter how much money she would get. The boy would find his talent and became a pro player. And now... she realized that even though her life was so perfect but she felt that this life didn't belong to her. she was very upset with everything she saw today. 

Finally, she realized... that never ignoring the importance of small things could have a different meaning. Look how it could change a lilboy's life just by saying yes to teach him a piano? Look! It could change the life of the elderly life! And... she realized that... you are the main character of your life. You choose your action, you will bear the risk. Even though her rotten life was so messed up but THAT WAS HER BEST LIFE. So, he decided to return to her rotten life and live the life. To learn is to live. 

We do, sometimes, like Nora. We are often sad and upset to ourselves that what we have done was wrong. Then sometimes we thought 'what would it be when I study hard enough and became a doctor?', 'what if I did A instead of B?, 'how if I chose X over Y?', and many more. Even though sometimes we blame ourselves over regret, just like Nora's, maybe if she didn't let her cat go outside, maybe the cat would still be alive. No. That would never happen. That is the best scenario. You had chosen the best. Believe it that all decision you had made was the best decision at that time. Maybe it was not good but it was the best. No regret above all. 

Now, let's learn to live. This is our first life though... failure is completely okay because that's how we learn. And... let's appreciate a little thing. Maybe a smile given to strangers will make up their day and cancel their plan for suicide. Maybe a ride to a stranger could save her from being late to a work interview. Who knows? We are living in this world... and all that we achieved are the result of the complex cooperation of this universe. Should we feel that all of our achievement are determined only by our effort? I think we shouldn't.